How to Fail

There are countless books, seminars, sermons, and advertisements on “How to Succeed”. Many through the years have invested small fortunes just to gain information on these ‘how to’ principles. I’ll save you the money and reverse the list. Instead of boring you with the characteristic and the conventional, I thought the following might help you to examine your life, and see if you are on the path of succeeding, or failing. The only verse I’ll leave you is 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. May we run to win (succeed), and not be disqualified (fail):
Cheat!
If you can’t find a way to cheat, then just ignore the rules.
If all else falls short, simply rewrite the rules or your understanding of the rules.
Listen to your own wisdom.
Listen to someone who has no wisdom. They’ll agree with you.
Don’t listen to God, who gives wisdom to men, or else you may have to agree with Him.
Stay away from true Christian fellowship.
Keep your focus inward at all times. #7 can help you with this.
Ignore the needs of others. If that gets difficult, refer to #8.
Try to please people all the time.
Wear a good mask (this is essential to #10).
Hold expectations up for others that you never would for yourself.
Be submissive until you disagree.
Be faithful unless you have distinctive needs. God probably didn’t know you did.
Be willing to serve if it looks good, otherwise strive to do things that attract the most attention and exalt you the most glory.
Make decisions based on what it can do for you.
Leave your checkbook home on Sundays.
Leave your Bible home on Monday.
Leave your kids home on Wednesday.
Reward your kids with no discipline.
Let your child date at the earliest possible age.
Make sure your child sees church as another appointment on a busy list of to-do’s.
Keep your feelings about your spouse to yourself.
Tell your spouse your REAL feelings about them, in front of someone else.
Talk twice as much as you listen.
Even better, just stop talking and listening.
Look back at your life and inject the ‘victim’ virus.
Blame someone else.
If you can’t blame someone, look up.
Spend at least two quality days with God a year.